The Small Family     

It was a week of “ouch” in the Small household! I started off the week in a big way, by engaging in a losing battle against a treadmill at the gym. Theo loves, loves, loves to go to the gym (they have puppets, music, a ball pit, lots of toys, and an outdoor play area, all of which appeal greatly to him), and Chris and I love it, too--feels good to get some exercise! So on Sunday we headed over to the gym, dropped Theo at playcare, and I climbed on an elliptical machine. Which was broken. So I climbed on another--no headphone volume, and I felt like watching a bit of TV. Okay, fine--maybe it’s a treadmill day. I spied an open treadmill next to Chris and headed over. I scanned the console to make sure there was no water bottle, towel, magazine, headphones, or anything that would suggest someone was using said treadmill. Nothing--it was clear. So I stepped on. And flew off the back, landing smack on my chest on the bloody thing. Why, you ask? Am I just that clumsy? No. I am clumsy, but not that bad. Oh no…instead, some moron apparently left the treadmill running at full speed. Now, I don’t normally call people morons, but come on! How can you not turn off a treadmill when you leave it? For one thing, it’s very hard to step off a running treadmill, so how did he/she even get off it if it wasn’t stopped? And two, it’s a major safety issue! Should I have looked at the belt before stepping on? Apparently yes! But I didn’t, because I have never in my life seen anyone leave a treadmill running when they aren’t on it! (Rest assured, I will never make this mistake again!) You do your workout, press stop, and step off the treadmill. You don’t somehow climb off the side while it’s still running and then leave it on at top speed for the next person to nearly break her neck on it!

Anyway, as I said, it was set at a running speed, so when I flew off the back, I fell hard. I skinned up my knee, skinned and bruised both elbows, smashed a finger on my right hand, got a huge four-inch bruise going down my outer thigh, and hurt my neck and shoulder pretty badly. And perhaps worst of all, I was so startled by flying off the treadmill and landing on my chest that I yelled out a very nasty curse word in the middle of the family gym. I was pretty mortified, to say the least. I don’t make it a point to bellow expletives in public. I limped out in disgrace, very upset about the whole thing. And made an appointment for the chiropractor for Friday.

I felt a bit like I’d been hit by a truck for the first two days, but by the time Friday rolled around, I was feeling pretty good. And then I went to the chiropractor, who said, “Why didn’t you come in right away after that?!” Turns out I messed up my neck and one side of my back rather badly. Dr. C. said she was surprised I didn’t have a nasty headache because my neck was all out of alignment. So she adjusted me (which is usually painless) and told me I’d probably be swollen and sore for a couple days. Indeed I am. Ouch. I have to go back tomorrow for a second adjustment. Wheeee.

I do keep thinking, though, that it’s a good thing I’m the one who stepped on that treadmill. After all, I’m in very good health overall. Our gym has quite a few elderly members, and I shudder to think what might’ve happened if one of them had stepped on it. A broken hip wouldn’t be out of the question for an older person, I don’t think.

But I’m not the only one who got an “ouch.” Theo earned his first shiner this week! It was a very small one, actually, but I think a purple bruise around the outside of his eye counts as a small shiner. How did he get it, you ask? Climbing, of course. I was making a bottle for his nap, and he was pushing his shopping cart around the living room. The next thing I knew, I heard a crash, saw the overturned shopping cart right next to a wooden bench, and he was silently screaming--which finally turned into a very sad wail! I felt so bad!! A bruise and knot started to form right away, but the swelling went down during his nap, and it ended up not looking too bad. (I would’ve been frantic if it had been his temple, worrying about a concussion, but it was right by his eye. So mostly, I was just thanking god that he hadn’t hit a little closer to his eye and done some real damage.) As far as I can gather, he decided to use the shopping cart to scale the outside of our stair banister, and he fell off and hit his eye on the bench. Ugh, that could’ve been so much worse than it turned out to be. I swear, that kid is determined to test out every one of his nine lives before the age of three!

And you would think this would stop him from trying to climb the outside of the banister, but no. We moved the shopping cart back upstairs so he can’t use it for that purpose, but he finds other ways to try to scale the wall. Evidently he thinks he’s Spider-Man….

But let’s move on from painful stories to triumphant ones! I am pleased to announce that Theo officially made it an ENTIRE WEEK without a single potty accident!! And he’s been back in underwear and pants full-time for two weeks now. YAHOO! He still has trouble getting his pants down himself, but if he needs to go potty, he’ll start trying to take them down, and we’ll jump in and assist as needed. I am amazed that he made it a full week with no accidents! One evening we even went over to the mall so he could play, and he announced in the middle of the play area, “Potty!” But the bathrooms are nowhere near the play area--you have to go upstairs and into the food court. So we told him to try to hold it as we got out of the play area, over to the elevator, upstairs, into the food court, into the family restroom, and set up his portable potty (which takes a minute or two to assemble). Amazingly, he held it, then sat down when the potty was ready and did his business. He’s a rock star, that boy of ours….

As long as we’re on the potty subject, a quick note for our East Coast readers: I’m going to be a neurotic freak about him not having tap water while we’re on vacation. But I have a good reason for it, so don’t think I’m a psycho! Last year, the day we got to Buffalo, Theo developed diarrhea that lasted the entire nine days of our trip. Four times a day times nine days equals a LOT of mess. (One memorable day, I ended up with it all over the black dress I had worn to go to my grandma’s memorial service. Ugh…) The minute we got home, it cleared up instantly. So all we can think is that maybe his tummy wasn’t handling the tap water back East well. He showed no other signs of illness at all--just diarrhea over and over and over. If he was still in diapers this year, that wouldn’t be a big deal other than being uncomfortable for the poor guy. But there’s no way he’d make it to the potty if his stomach does what it did last year, and I don’t want to sabotage all of the little guy’s hard work by getting his digestive system all out of whack! So, my solution is to make sure he only drinks bottled water and boxed juices mixed with bottled water. We actually did that last year, but he did get tap water a couple times here and there. This year, I’ll make sure he doesn’t--I plan to pick up a bunch of juice boxes and water bottles at Target the first morning we're there and just bring them with us everywhere for the duration of the trip. Anyway, just putting that out there so y’all don’t think I’m a neurotic freak for no reason. Just trying to avoid a repeat performance of last year, which would totally derail the poor guy!

And moving on from potties… I got a brief respite from work this weekend, so on Saturday we headed to U.C. Berkeley to visit their arboretum. Theo loved it! It’s a 34-acre (I think?) arboretum with specific areas devoted to various regions of the world. Which means lots of meandering paths and stairs throughout all kinds of vegetation--right up Theo’s alley! Give that boy some dirt and flowers and a place to roam, and he’s a happy camper. I think he dragged Chris and I up all the stairways in the arboretum! (We just let him loose and followed him down whatever pathways he decided we ought to explore.) And he was utterly enthralled when the lizard he had been calling made an appearance! (A few days ago, I saw a lizard, and it ran away before Theo could see it. I told him to try calling it, so ever since, he spends a lot of time outside calling, “Yizard! Where are you??”) The yizard was tiny and well-camouflaged, but Theo was still able to see him.

One of the docents at the arboretum was rather taken with Theo because of his obvious interest in the plants. She was asking me about him and said she rarely sees toddlers who are interested in being at the arboretum. Theo does seem to love flowers (he always squats down and touches them very gently), but I also think he just loves being out in places to roam. For him, a “darden” (as he calls all gardens and such) is a giant playground with flowers to examine. Chris and I were joking that he’ll probably end up working at the arboretum someday, and the docent made the same comment when we left.

After the arboretum, we got lunch at a yummy Italian deli in Berkeley and sat outside to eat it. I got Theo a small serving of lima beans, olives, tomatoes, and red onions (a little salad), and he inhaled it. At one point I looked over to see him purposefully picking out the red onions and eating those first, leading me to wonder whether he’s really my son. (I hate onions!)

When we got home, I took advantage of having no work and made some more homemade jam (and mopped the floors--as exciting as that is) and made dinner. Chris helped with everything, and I have to say that our peach-ginger jam is pretty tasty (a bit too sweet for me, but Chris really likes it). The raspberry jam had awesome flavor, but it hardened up in the refrigerator and became like a jar of unspreadable fruit leather!

For dinner I made gnocchi with homemade pesto and shrimp. Very tasty! It’s actually the second meal I cooked this week--the first being fettuccini with chicken and Chris’s homemade-from-scratch marinara sauce, dressed up slightly. Most days Chris gets the job of cooking dinner because I’m working in the evenings. (His job is usually 9-5; mine is more like 7-9, then 2-3:30, then 5-8.)  Since I’m about to get buried with work, I figured I might as well pull my weight when I had some free time and do a bit of the cooking. I’m pleased to say that both recipes were successful--I’ll make them both again with some minor tweaks.

So this week’s homemade adventure was jam, as well as the pesto sauce. Next week we may try homemade marshmallows. Stay tuned!

Chris and I got a "date afternoon" on Sunday when Grandma Diane watched Theo for a few hours so we could go to brunch (at Mas--a yummy Mexican restaurant) and see a movie (Salt). We had yummy food and a great time--we both enjoyed the movie a lot. It had a few plot holes, but overall it was a good action movie and well worth seeing if you like edge-of-your-seat types of movies.

I also had one other fun event this week: I went to a meeting of a photography group I’ve joined. Monica (of Wallypogs fame) is a very good photographer--she does a lot of local wedding and family photography. She has put together a group of amateur and pro photographers in the area to meet once a month for shooting, critiques, guest speakers, etc. I only stayed for part of the meeting (too much work waiting), but I really enjoyed the people I met, and I’ll definitely go to another meeting. Alas, I’ll be out of town for the next two, but perhaps in November I can go again. It’ll be a good way to get some more photography practice in.

Another thing I’ve been doing this week is reading an interesting book called Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys. A friend (a previous boss, in fact) who raised four boys of her own recommended that I read it, and I’ve been finding it very interesting. The premise is about understanding how the mind and spirit of a little boy work, so you can best parent your son. As with any sort of parenting book, there are parts that I sort of skim over and then there are parts that really resonate. The book discusses boys from age 2 all the way through the teenage years, so I’ve been reading the toddler/preschooler portions, and parts of it are making me laugh because I see so much of my little boy in them. Specifically, when they talk about why boys seems to exist in a sort of little bubble where they don’t hear a word you say, and they are just intent on creating some sort of mayhem. I realize that some of the very things I absolutely love about Theo are (supposedly) just a part of little boys’ wiring.

And so that has made me think about second children. Let me start by saying there are no plans for a second child in the works! At this point we are very happy with one. We may, however, eventually decide to try to add another child to our family…but at this point, we’re still undecided.

However, if we do have a second child, I always thought I’d want a girl. You know--nice to have one of each, and all that. And besides, I spent most of my life thinking that I wanted to have a little girl someday. But then I had a little boy, and I realized how much I absolutely love the crazy little spirit that inhabits a boy! And now I think, “Hmmm. If we have a second child someday, I think I’d actually be delighted to have another boy.”

The truth is, if we had a girl, I have no doubt that I’d fall madly in love with her as I have with Theo, and I would find myself loving various parts of her that are “all girl.” But it’s kind of interesting because I see now why “boy moms” are so hooked on boys. That is, I’ve known a few women who only had boys, and who professed to be totally happy with all boys. Some even went so far as to say they didn’t like girls. And I always thought, “Yeah, right. Defense mechanism. I have no doubt you love your boys like crazy, but I bet you secretly long for a daughter.” But now I’m not so sure. Now I wonder if these women had boys and realized how utterly crazy and fun they are, and really are completely happy with how their family turned out. I can see it…I really can. Because if we have a family of four that ends up being three males and me, I think I would be quite happy with that.

I think part of what I love about boys is that they are so straightforward, which I tend to be too. The little girls I’ve known (nieces, cousins, daughters of friends, etc.) have been great kids…but there was generally more drama attached to them, even at young ages. The girls tended to be a little more apt to try to “work the system,” which has never really been how I do things. But what I’m finding with boys is that they are right out with whatever is on their mind. If they’re mad, you know it. If they want something, they demand it. There doesn’t seem to be much secrecy or drama attached to them, and I think that might be partly what I find so refreshing. I never went through a “drama” stage, I don’t think, so I find it rather difficult to relate to. So if we ever do have a daughter, and she has a dramatic side, I’m definitely going to have to learn how to handle that!

Anyway, I’m making some sweeping generalizations here. Obviously every kid is different, and given that I’m only the mother of a boy so far, I really can’t speak with much authority about girls. But I do find that I sure love being a boy mama!

As long as we’re on the subject of drama and kids, I will muse for just another moment. Chris and I are cautiously optimistic that the worst of the “Terrible Twos” may have passed us by. Don’t get me wrong: I know there are more challenging stages ahead of us! The "Why" stage is coming, along with the argumentative "Threes." But in terms of the tantrums that typically go along with what people describe as the “Terrible Twos,” we seem to have mostly moved past those. Theo started throwing those types of tantrums at about 15 months (though he had some fun “baby tantrums” from 9 months on--kind of funny to see such a little guy so mad!), and they seemed to last until about age 2. Shortly after he turned 2, he started to be able to communicate better, and that has seemed to be a major turning point in our household. His tantrums are much shorter and much less frequent, and he is rarely hitting us now. (Thank goodness--that was a tough one to deal with!) In general, he goes about most days happy and agreeable, without the need for any timeouts. It’s been this way for maybe six weeks? Eight weeks? And we’ve been loving it. Probably the calm before the next storm, but it’s oh-so-nice to be able to spend the majority of our time just enjoying Theo instead of disciplining.

The funny thing is, now when he has a tantrum, the first thing he says is “LISTEN!!!” To which we calmly reply, “I am listening. You want X, Y, or Z. But we can’t because A, B, or C.” And most times, he calms down pretty quickly. Yes, he does want X, Y, or Z, but it seems like more than that, he just wants to know that we were listening to what he wanted--whether we gave in or not seems to be rather inconsequential to him in many cases. Methinks the boy just wants to be heard! Can’t say I blame him--don’t we all want to be heard?

What’s also neat is that Theo now understands the difference between “yes” and “no.” He used to say “no” for everything, even when he meant “yes.” And he’d say it very politely--it wasn’t like he was yelling it in defiance. But it would be like, “Theo, would you like a cookie?” “No.” “Are you sure you don’t mean yes?” “Yes!” Now he actually gets the difference between the two and will answer appropriately for the situation. Nice!

And speaking of answering appropriately, I realized this week that Theo and I had our first real conversation! He’s been chattering up a storm for a long time, but it’s usually been him rattling off a series of facts to me (like all the bits about the hotel for dogs or the kitties in the park, for example). Or, I’ll say something to him, and he’ll do what I ask…or not, depending on his mood. But this week, we’ve started having real back-and-forth conversations! The first one was Thursday morning, as I was getting ready. Theo asked to watch a show, and I said, “No, because we’re going to go somewhere.” “Place?” he asked. “Yes, a place,” I replied, “but I’m not sure where yet. Where do you think we should go?” He immediately answered, “Park!” “Okay,” I said, “the park it is. But you need to go potty first.” He nodded, walked over to his potty, did his business, and then we were ready to go. Whoa! Conversing…for real! I’m loving it! He did it a few more times this week, too, and I’ve been marveling about how fun it is.

He’s a real chatterbox all the time now, and it’s quite funny. One day we took him to the playcare at the gym, and they all know him there. Several of them have commented on how much he talks, and one girl said, “He’s not at all shy!” Wow…that girl doesn’t know it, but that’s one of the biggest compliments she could give to Chris and me. Having both struggled with shyness as kids, we’re delighted to see that Theo does not seem to take after us in that way!

And Chris took Theo to Target one day, and Theo was firing questions and comments at him one after another. Chris was answering all of them, but perhaps seeming slightly exhausted by the barrage of questions and commentary. Apparently a man nearby laughed and said, “Remember when you wanted them to start talking?!” Chris started laughing, and the man admitted that he has six kids, and has been there before!

Anyway, I see that I’m talking as much as my loquacious son in this blog entry, so I’ll sign off for now. Have a good week, all!