The Small Family     

Well, we have gotten our first glimpse into Garbanzo’s personality. Mind you, this was supposed to be our mellow child! But nooo--instead, he seems to be every bit as stubborn as his big brother!

I’m kidding, of course--but darned if that little guy wasn’t a stubborn little turkey at my 3D ultrasound this weekend! We went in Saturday morning, and he had his foot and both hands up in front of his face. Occasionally he’d show a glimpse of an eye for a second, but mostly we saw arms and a foot. And the u/s technician said, “Don’t worry--we have ways of making them move. After having me lie in several different positions, she handed me a sugar-laden lemonade and told me to guzzle it. No dice. Then she gave me a cookie. No dice. Then a bottle of cold water. No dice. Then she had me go to the bathroom. No dice. The little guy would not uncover his face! He finally moved his foot from in front of it, but then moved his entire arm to cover it. Argh! After 35 minutes of trying to entice him, we gave up, and they told me to come back late Saturday afternoon to try again.

So, we did. And he had moved his foot and hands, but had his face buried in my hip so we couldn’t see him. And so we went through it again--turn this way, roll that way, lie this way. No dice, no dice, no dice. He finally showed his face partway, but then quickly put his hands back up there. So, we got one good partial shot of the little guy--and an invitation to come back next Saturday to try one more time. Supposedly by next week, he’ll have gained enough more weight that he’ll be starting to get pretty squashed in there and won’t be able to “hide” as well.

That said, the experience was pretty awesome! Even if we don’t have any better luck next week, I’m glad we did it for the glimpses we got. Okay, I’m obviously biased, but I’ve gotta say, he’s adorable! At first I thought he was the spitting image of Theo. Then as I saw him a bit more, I realized he’s not exactly a replica. I suspect that when he comes out, there will be a pretty strong resemblance, but he’ll definitely have his own look. I do think he has Theo’s nose and mouth, but I’m not so sure about the eyes.

We do know that in addition to being stubborn, he is very bald--much like his big brother was. When you look at the pictures in this week’s album, notice that what you can see of his head is smooth. Supposedly if he had any hair, his head would look more ridged in the images.

He’s also fairly filled out for his age. The u/s tech commented that she was surprised I wasn’t showing more, as he’s a pretty chubby little guy already. She said he’s probably sitting far back in my womb, which is why I haven’t really “popped” much. (You can definitely tell I’m pregnant now, I think, but I’m still nowhere near as rotund as I was with Theo.) Her explanation makes sense to me, because I do have a lot more back pain with this one--so if he is sitting farther back than Theo did, the aching back would make sense to me.

I also found out he’s head down already, which is good. He could still turn back over, but supposedly most babies will at this point stay head down until delivery, which is a good thing. He needs to keep the hands away from his face, though. That was one problem with my oh-so-fun delivery of Theo--he had a hand up by his face when he was coming down the birth canal, which didn’t make for a fun delivery. Hands down, Garbanzo!

So I’m now 30 weeks along--officially ¾ of the way through the pregnancy! Though I suspect I’m more than ¾ of the way through, since my guess is that he’ll arrive in about 8 weeks. To be full-term, he could arrive anywhere between 7 and 12 weeks from now. My guess is it’ll be 8 weeks, but we’ll see. He could fool me--he certainly had me fooled on his gender!

Supposedly, he’s been working on brain development this week--his previously smooth brain is now taking on grooves and indentations, which allow for an increased amount of brain tissue. And, his bone marrow is supposedly now making his red blood cells, which is an important development in terms of his health when he’s born!

As for us, we’ve finally gotten back to the business of names. We hadn’t even thought about them in more than two months, since we’d been so busy moving and such. But I hauled out the baby-name book Saturday night and compiled a master list of boy names that both Chris and I had marked. Would you like to guess how many names were on this list? 180. It’s insane! Though Chris went through them and said, “I don’t know why on earth I marked half of these. It must’ve been very late at night.” Indeed--he had “Major” marked at a possible name, which makes me think he’s under the impression that I’ll be giving birth to a German Shepherd or something.

I’m pleased to report that we have since narrowed the list down to 30 possible names. So, that’s a much more reasonable list to haul to the hospital with us when the time comes…. Though if you ask Theo, we are, of course, naming him “Blue.”

And speaking of Theo, my other stubborn son… This week I went to observe his preschool. They have that “interrogation glass” like they have in cop shows--that is, the teachers’ office has a wall of windows so they can see the classroom, but from the classroom side, it looks like a mirror. Krista said they have that so parents can observe unnoticed--as obviously kids act differently when they know mom or dad is around! Theo is apparently the one student in the class who has realized that the mirror is not what it seems--I guess he told them one day, “There’s somebody back there in that mirror!” And when I was there, he didn’t see me, but it was clear that he knew something or someone was behind the mirror. He kept coming over and asking to be picked up so he could “look and see what’s in the mirror--there’s flowers and things back in there!” (I think he could see some parts of the office, but not all.) Leave it to Theo--every other kid thinks it’s a mirror, but he’s bound and determined to find out what it really is.

Anyway, it was fascinating and heartening to observe, because Theo actually did a lot better than I was expecting. I do see why they have some concerns--I witnessed a couple of the kids sort of watching his every move like a hawk and tattling on him, which Krista had mentioned to me as a concern of hers. And I did notice that he required a fair bit of one-on-one attention from the staff. But, overall, he actually seemed much more relaxed than I expected. Krista had said she thought the large group was overwhelming him, and I’m not sure that’s entirely the case.

Now, granted, I didn’t see any group activities--the 90 minutes I observed were free-choice time, which Theo has always done pretty well with. If it was a group activity, I suspect I would’ve seen more problems. (Though Krista tells me I didn’t miss anything, as he just flat refuses to participate in the group--won’t even try it. This is contrary to what he told us, which is that he was trying circle time. Clearly the smarty-pants has already figured out the fine art of telling Mom and Dad what they want to hear.) But Theo actually seemed very calm around the other kids. He didn’t interact with them, but he didn’t seem flustered by their presence. They did their thing, and he did his. When they would talk to him, he didn’t necessarily respond, but he didn’t look away or act scared, either--more just wore an expression of, “Um, what’s the problem? Did you need something from me? I'm kinda busy over here....”

He also seemed very good at choosing activities to do and getting his work set up. Where he was faltering was with seeing anything to completion and putting it away. And to me, this is not a big concern, as he’s only 3 ½. At that age, a lot of kids don’t have a particularly long attention span. And the teachers don’t necessarily expect him to complete a job he has taken out--what they do expect is that he put it away before he gets another one out. And so there was the fun part: He did not want to put them away each time. Sometimes he did, but other times he lost interest in what he was doing and didn’t care to put it away--he was ready to move on to the next thing. Really, to my eyes, it looked like he was just plain bored. Which is kind of surprising because Montessori is designed to challenge students by allowing them to work ahead of their age group if they so desire--so how can they be bored? But he seemed to be.

And here is where his stubborn streak came out. When he got bored and didn’t feel like putting away his job, it became a battle of wills. Now, Montessori philosophy doesn’t have teachers forcing kids to do things or threatening any kind of repercussions for not doing it. (That is, there is no “If you don’t put away the blocks, you’ll have to go on time out.”) But at the same time, they also weren’t about to let him get away without putting his job away--which is a good thing. And I have to admit that it was rather amusing to watch the way this played out. Normally, you might expect a child of Theo’s age in this situation to throw a tantrum or start whining or whatever. But no, he didn’t do that--instead, he tried every possible way he could think of to slyly subvert the system. When he got bored with his job, he tried to get up, and one of the teachers said, “Theo, you need to put your job away before you do anything else.” So he sat back down--and started fiddling with the pieces until he thought they weren’t looking. When he thought the coast was clear, he tried to get up again--and another teacher saw him and repeated that he needed to put his job away before doing anything else. So then he managed to get this shoe off and spent a while putting that back on instead of putting his job away. Then, he decided to try getting up again--and again, an observant teacher reminded him to put his job away. He fiddled with something else for a while. He tried again, and a teacher repeated that he needed to put the job away--and handed him the basket into which he was supposed to put the pieces (which had been sitting right next to him all along anyway). As soon as she turned around, he started shoving the pieces under the rug instead of putting them in the basket. (Ah, if I just hide them, I won’t have to comply with the request!) Once again, a teacher saw him, pointed to the basket, and told him the pieces went in there. This went on and on…for 30 minutes. All the while, Theo had a mischievous grin on his face that I know well--the one that says, “I’m going to see just how far I can push this!”

In the end, the teachers won the battle--he finally put the pieces back in the basket, took it over to where it belonged, and put his job rug away. But yes, it took 30 minutes before he caved. If that’s not determination, I don’t know what is! And I’ll tell you what--that’s the same type of thing we get at home. He’s not so much a tantrummy child (though, like any kid his age, he does have them) but he’s so stubborn and determined to do things his way. For example, I give him two choices every morning for breakfast--usually something like “waffles or a jam sandwich?” And he will ignore me or refuse to choose or say something like, “Feo want some sorbet,” when obviously he’s not going to eat sorbet for breakfast. So after a couple minutes of this, I’ll say, “Okay, then I’ll choose--waffles.” And every time, he will say, “No! Jam sandwich!” Whatever the opposite of what we choose, he wants. (And this is actually powerful info, because obviously I just offer him the one I don’t really want him to have, knowing he’ll be contrary and pick the one I do want him to have--he hasn’t wised up to my evil plan yet, bwahahahahaha!)

So why did this observation make me happy? Because it’s decidedly normal, to an extent! All kids Theo’s age are going to test their boundaries and see how far they can take it. And frankly, a kid who doesn’t may run into problems later in life, if he’s a bit of a dishrag! Now, I do think that Theo is far more determined than a lot of kids--many would’ve probably given in long before 30 minutes. But to me, that sort of determination and the way I witnessed Theo pushing it didn’t necessarily say “Aspeger’s kid”--it more said “bright, stubborn kid who really likes to test boundaries.”

I’m not saying my 90 minutes of observation made me think, “Oh, forget having him evaluated--he’s just fine.” As I said, I only saw him during free-choice period. But what I saw was very heartening--he seemed just like my stubborn, smart little Theo, not like a kid who was suffering socially.

That said, we did see his pediatrician early in the week, and he gave us a referral to an autism/Asperger’s evaluation facility. They’re supposed to call me and set up an evaluation. The pediatrician only spent about 10 minutes with us, but Theo was sort of in his Dr. Reed mode--that is, talking nonstop and telling the doctor every random stream-of-consciousness fact that was floating around in his brain, making him sound like a semi-eccentric three-year-old. (“This is an office building. There are elevators. There’s a big, big parking garage. Mama hates elevators. That’s an otoscope. And that’s a blood-pressure machine. There’s a light over there! Feo is three years old. That’s a number seven….”) So the doctor got a fairly accurate 10-minute picture of Theo’s somewhat unusual personality--and his response was, “Okay, I agree that there are some red flags here--but there are also areas where he doesn’t fit the profile at all. Let’s go ahead with the evaluation just to cover our bases.” In other words, it wasn’t, “Oh my god, why haven’t you had this kid tested already?” On the contrary, he and his nurse seemed to find Theo quite charming and entertaining. (As did the people in the waiting room, when Theo randomly announced, “This is an office building! Mama comes to Kaiser and pees in a cup!” Indeed I do--and Theo finds it fascinating. I think he’ll be sad when the baby comes and I no longer have to provide routine urine samples. He really thinks that’s the height of excitement.)

And so went our week here. Other than our ultrasound and the preschool evaluation, things were pretty quiet. I went to a book-club dinner on Friday night, and I had a nice time out with an old grad-school friend and another woman about our age. We found a great indoor play area for Theo not too far from our house, and we also took him for a quick visit to San Jose. (We attempted to see Christmas in the Park, which he wasn’t too into, so we swung by to see Grandma Kathy and Papa for a while instead.)

Chris is very happy so far at Genentech. His only complaint is that “the automatic paper-towel dispensers in the men’s room are slow.” Um, if that’s your biggest complaint, you’ve got it really good, my friend! Actually, he’s loving it so far. He’s mostly been doing training and meetings, but he’s about to get his first real project, which he’s looking forward to. And his department only recently switched over to Word 2010 (which Chris has been using for quite a while), so he’s been able to share some workflow tips with them--in fact, he even did a short training presentation at one of their meetings. He seems rather determined to prove that they were smart to hire him, so he’s been really assertive in taking initiative on learning things and sharing things that might help the department. I guess one of his bosses has already complimented him on some suggestions he emailed to her about something. (That’s very vague, isn’t it? I’d share more details if I remembered them, but he told me about this on Friday evening, when I was exhausted from a whole week of getting up at 5am, so the details are fuzzy in my tired brain. All I remember is that his boss was pleasantly surprised by some insight he was able to offer.) I don’t know who this assertive Chris is, but I keep telling him I like it. :-) He seems to have a newfound confidence, after being actively sought by a good company who seems very happy to have him on board. This makes me happy, because I’ve always known what an asset he is to anyone--and I’m glad he’s finally seeing it himself!

He doesn’t even mind the commute much. Getting up so early is exhausting for both of us, but the Genentech bus is quite comfortable, and he sort of enjoys the 90 minutes of downtime each way. He can read or nap or putter around on the Internet--much less stressful than driving.

Anyway, I’ve rambled long enough. My apologies for the lack of many photos--but I’m making up for it by posting a short video of Theo helping me in the kitchen. Aside from music, his main interest at the moment is cooking. Every day when he gets up from his nap, he wants to “make fings in the kitchen.” One day, I needed to cook some asparagus, and given that he’s currently in a somewhat destructive phase where he likes to break things, I figured I’d at least have him break something constructive. And so, we “BROKE the asparagus!” Hope you enjoy the video, which I’ve posted on the More Videos page.

Until next week--happy week!