The Small Family     

I’m posting this week’s blog one day early, because Sunday IS MY BIRTHDAY!!! And I’ve decided to be lazy and not do much other than enjoy myself on my birthday. And it’s not that I don’t enjoy writing the blog (quite the contrary!), but we’re not getting back home until probably 9pm-ish on Sunday (Chris is taking me out to dinner), and I’ll probably be tired and desiring sleep by that time. So, you get the blog one day early. :-)

If I hadn’t been tooting my own birthday horn in the title of this week’s blog, I would’ve titled it “Why?” Why, you might ask (appropriately)? Because Theo has finally mastered the concept of “why,” and I am so excited!! I have no idea at what age kids normally understand the question “why,” but Theo didn’t get it until just a few days ago. And I kept hoping it would eventually click with him, because there are often times when knowing why he feels some way or why he wants to do something would be very helpful! So just this week, he finally understood “why”--and I was speechless!

I was getting him out of the car after preschool on Wednesday and mentioned that Chris would be home from work early, as he was sick. Theo said, “Don’t want Daddy to be sick! Want Mommy to be sick!” Without even thinking about it, I said, “Why would you want Mommy to be sick?” and he immediately responded, “Because Mommy can go to the office building [Kaiser]!” (Theo loves going to Kaiser for some odd reason, so I think that translated to “If Mommy is sick, she will go to Kaiser, and I will get to go with her.”)  And in a second, it dawned on me--he had finally answered a why question! The next day, he answered another one--and then another one. And another one! Bliss! I’m finally getting to find out what motivates the little guy!

It’s worth noting that I tried many different ways of phrasing “why” questions in the past, such as, “What makes you say that?” or “What would happen if you did XYZ?” or things along those lines--thinking that maybe it was just the word “why” that was tripping him up. But no--he just didn’t have the concept. Until now! I mentioned this to his preschool teachers, as I was very excited about it, and they said it’s a maturity thing--kids don’t understand “why” concepts until they reach a certain level of maturity. They didn’t give a specific age range--just mentioned that a certain mental maturity had to be reached before a child was capable of understanding that concept.

Theo’s just maturing all over the place lately. We’ve also had success with the big-boy bed! He’s been in it for about five nights in a row now, and he’s doing great. We introduced it a couple of weeks ago, and he did great for the first night and a nap the next day--then refused to get back in it. Knowing Theo as we do, we decided not to force the issue. Big changes go best with Theo if he feels like he has some say in them. So, we waited a few days, then started talking about the bed again and let him choose where to sleep (he chose the crib every time), and then gave him warning that the next night he’d be trying out the bed again…and so on.

I realize the conventional wisdom is to do it like ripping off a Band-Aid--just say, “Nope, you’re a big boy now--you’re going to sleep in a big-boy bed.” But as I said, Theo responds best when he feels like he has some say in a situation, so we set it up as a win-win for us: If he chose to sleep in the crib for a few more nights before switching to the bed, we didn’t mind--we don’t need the crib for the baby for quite some time anyway, so it really doesn’t matter. If he chose to sleep in the bed, that was great too.  Either way we were happy, and Theo didn’t feel as if we were forcing him into it. We figured this was especially important given that his preschools have both mentioned how difficult transitions can be for him and how they’ve found that giving him notice of an upcoming transition seems to help. Going from the crib to the bed is a big transition, so we wanted to minimize his frustration with it and make it a smooth transition.

One thing that surprises me is his ability to tell time. He can’t completely tell time yet (and certainly not on a face clock yet), but he can recognize time, and I think he understands it better than we know. The one downside to the bed is that he’s getting up an hour earlier than he was in the crib. Which is fine, except that I generally work from 5:20am to 7am, and I kind of NEED that work time, as I’m too tired by the time Theo’s in bed at night to stay up and make up whatever work I’ve missed. So, the first three days that Theo work up early, he called for me, and I went in his room and told him he had to stay in bed until it said 7:00 on his clock. I told him it wasn’t quite time to get up yet, but he should just talk to his animals until the clock said 7:00. And that worked well--surprisingly, he’d whimper slightly and then settle in for the duration of the pre-dawn hour without much fuss. But the fourth morning, he surprised me. I heard him wake up at 6:10 and thought, “Oh dear--here we go. And it’s a LONG time until 7, so I doubt he’s going to respond well to staying in there.” To my surprise, though, he stayed in bed until 7am without once calling for me--I could hear him in there talking and singing, but he entertained himself until precisely 7am, when he threw open his bedroom door and yelled, “Mommy! I’m awake!”

The part that surprised me most about this is that I didn’t think he had any concept of time insofar as 6:10 am being somewhat near 7am. I mean, for all he knew, it could’ve been 3am, and he’d have hours to chill out in there until it was time to get up. But because he didn’t fuss at all and just played contentedly by himself, I’m wondering whether he knows that anything in the 6 hour is getting close to 7. Who knows? But it was lovely….

I did find out why he doesn’t like the bed, though. It’s not the bed so much as he doesn’t want to give up the crib. Specifically, he doesn’t want the baby to have it! He quite generously has offered that the baby can have his big-boy bed instead!! I told him the baby wasn’t going to need his crib for a long time, and it was more just that he is getting a bit too big for it, and the big-boy bed is nice and roomy, but he didn’t seem convinced. The funny thing is, the crib is the only thing he’s possessive about so far. I’m sure that will change when the baby actually comes, but with the baby in utero, he’s actually very generous about everything…except the crib. It must be the one thing he thinks ought to be his alone. Everything else, he’s happy to share--his books, his toys, even his music. And when we go out shopping, he likes to pick out things for the baby--never asks for anything for himself, but wants to be sure we pick out an outfit or a blanket for the baby. It’s really incredibly sweet. He found a soft, old cleaning rag, and he thinks that’s a blanket for the baby, so he keeps bringing it to me and draping it over my tummy and saying, “This is for the baby!”  He also checks on the baby multiple times a day by holding his stethoscope up to my belly and listening to the baby’s heartbeat. In fact, he scared me the other day because he slipped into the master bathroom silently while I was blow-drying my hair, and I suddenly saw this flash out of the corner of my eye and felt a very cold stethoscope on my belly!

Speaking of Garbanzo, I had my 33-week appointment this week, and all is well. At least, I assume all is well--I had to take Theo with me, and he was not on his best behavior at the doctor’s office, so I couldn’t hear much of what the midwife was saying. But I did hear her say that my very sore back is normal (I figured as much) and that the baby’s heartbeat sounded good. Now I go in every two weeks, and I have wisely scheduled my upcoming appointments while someone is at preschool. The best thing I can say about bringing him with me was that he had a grand time “driving” the OB exam table, as he thought the stirrups on the table looked like the controllers one uses when driving a backhoe. He was also pretty fascinated by watching me collect a urine sample. He thinks I’m the height of cool because I can pee in a cup….

At about 34 weeks’ gestation, Garbanzo is now about five pounds. And big news, people: His testicles are descending this week! Ha ha, sorry--had to add that in. As for me--well, I’m looking forward to him arriving. I’ve convinced myself that he’ll be here in four weeks, and if he’s not I’m going to be chomping at the bit. In a way, I know this is silly--he’s much easier to care for on the inside, and Chris and I know all too well how stressful a newborn can be. (Constant bickering because the baby never stops shrieking, anyone? It’s a slight miracle that Chris and I made it to our first anniversary!!) But my back is killing me lately, and I’m getting progressively more nauseated these days. Ugh. So I’m pretty ready to be done! And hey, if we have another newborn who’s as fussy as Theo was--well, we got through it once and will get through it again. The shrieking does come to an end eventually--we know this now. And hey, maybe this one will be mellow (wishful thinking!).

The highlight of our week was definitely Theo’s music class! As you probably know, we tried a music class (Music Together) back in December, and Theo hated it. He asked to leave in the middle and just generally acted incredibly bored. And I can’t say I blame him--it really was kind of basic and boring. Probably good for 18-month-olds, but not so much for 3 ½-year-olds. So I did some research and found the name of a one-man operation in San Francisco and Berkeley that got rave reviews from local parents. After looking at the website, I grew more interested--the class appeared to be much more hands-on and interactive, which I thought would suit Theo well. One thing we’ve noticed about Theo is that he wants to be an active participant in music-making. I’ve yet to see a kid who doesn’t enjoy music, but many like to listen to it, dance, etc. Theo is a bit different in that he wants to be an active participant in actually making the music. If he listens to songs on the iPod, he often messes with the scrub bar to make the music “smudgy” (as he calls is), thus creating a different sound. If he listens to CDs, he wants to grab his instruments and join in. If we’re in a music class, he wants to be hands-on playing, not just listening. So this particular class sounded much more Theo’s speed than the more passive Music Together class we tried.

So, I emailed the instructor and told him a bit about Theo’s interest in music, but that he typically doesn’t like to participate in group activities, and I asked what he thought. He encouraged me to try a group class, as he said he’s often able to get the kind of unwilling kids to open up. So, we tried a class on Thursday morning, and wow--I’m elated! It’s even better than I thought!

So what’s great about this class? Well, first of all, Theo loved it! This is the first group activity we’ve ever tried with him that he hasn’t asked to leave or just gotten up and walked away (or, in younger days, thrown a tantrum over). Quite the contrary--he was engaged and participating the entire time, and when class was over he got rather upset and said he wanted to stay. I told him we could go play instruments at home, and he protested, “Want to stay and play with instruments here!” Then he tried to convince me that we could come back and play some more after his nap….

But the other great part is that I loved it. It was really just a lot of fun for both of us. The class only has about six kids, but that’s plenty when they’re all playing instruments at once! It’s set up like a band, really--the children all play together for quite a bit of the class. And it’s very fast-paced--we covered a lot of instruments and topics quickly. For a child who tends to learn slowly, it might actually be a bit too fast, but for a child like Theo who tends to have a short attention span, the fast pace of the class kept things moving along really nicely.

And the big surprise to me was how many music-theory topics the teacher (Jon) covered. Most child/music classes are very basic and more just “let’s enjoy the music.” Which is fine, but I thought it was really cool that Jon actually covers real musical concepts in a way that toddlers and preschoolers find fun. For example, in the first class we learned about sharp notes, the key of D, pitch, and tempo…and even the proper terminology, such as allegro and ritardando. And he managed to make this all accessible to even the youngest kids…and fun!

The kids also learned to follow each other’s playing--we’d all be playing the drums, for example, and Jon would call on one kid and say, “Everyone follow Theo!” And then however Theo used his drumsticks, the other kids followed. (Jon had previously shown the kids what they could do with the drumsticks--use them on their drums, tap the sticks together, drum on the floor, drum on their feet, etc.) Obviously, with such young kids, it was a cacophony, but it was surprising how well they picked it up, given that several of them are even younger than Theo.

At one point, the kids could take turns going into the center of the circle to be the sort of “star” of the sharp song--and believe it or not, Theo, Mr. I-Refuse-to-Participate-in-Groups, stood up, went into the circle for his turn, and almost did it! (He chickened out at the last minute, but even being willing to try was huge for him.)

The last half of the class was really like a jam band--Jon had six different instruments set up in the circle, and the kids took turns playing them together. So, for example, Theo started out on bongo drums, and he played the bongos to “Hound Dog” while other kids played the drum kit, the accordion, the synthesizer, etc. Then when “Hound Dog” was over and we moved to the next song, all the kids moved one station over and played at the next instrument. All told, Theo got to play an acoustic guitar, a couple kinds of bongos, a xylophone, an electric guitar, a drum kit, an accordion, and a synthesizer. All the songs were upbeat rock tempos, which made it really fun and energizing for the kids and the parents--even “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” was jazzed up to a rock beat!

A big surprise to me was how naturally Theo picked up the instruments. Jon uses real instruments (albeit sized down for a child’s hands and body), and some of them Theo had never seen. For example, I don’t believe he’s ever seen an accordion. And in fact, one of the parents couldn’t even get the accordion to play. But when Theo reached that station, he picked up the accordion and immediately played it correctly. I have no idea how he knew, but he did. The drum kit amazed me, too--it was a real kit, with a couple of drums, a couple of cymbals, and two kick drums. (For those of you wondering what a kick drum is, it’s the drum that sits on the floor--you press a pedal with your foot, and a soft mallet strikes the drum.) I thought I’d have to show Theo how the kick drum works, but he immediately pressed the pedal with his foot, saw what it did, and started playing the kick drum simultaneously while hitting the cymbals with his sticks. Multitalented drummer! I was pretty impressed.

In short, it was super fun, and I can’t wait to go back next week! The only downside is that it’s in Berkeley, about a 45-minute drive each way and with horrendous parking. (I had to park illegally on Thursday--luckily, I didn’t get a ticket! Must leave earlier next week and find legal parking somewhere around there.)

I’m not sure how we’ll do it when the baby comes, as the class is very heavy on parent involvement, but we’ll figure something out. Jon offers a couple of night and weekend classes, so maybe we’ll just meet Chris there after work for a night class one night a week or something. We’ll make it work--it’s too cool to miss!

As long as we’re talking about Theo and music, let me say that I posted a new video to the More Videos page--it’s called “Rock Star.” I finally managed to capture Theo making music in various situations, so I put several clips together into a video.  So, I apologize for the lack of pictures this week, but you do get a new video as a consolation prize! Must warn you, though--it's LONG. Close to 10 minutes, in fact. I tried to cut it down, but I had so many fun clips! Apologies...

Until next week…