The Small Family     

Well, it was a toss-up as to whether I should name this blog post “Theo, Theo Quite Contrary” or “Feo Don’t Yike It.” I opted for the latter because we’ve heard that phrase oh-so-many times this week!

This isn’t to say that he’s been a turkey all week--we’ve had a fair number of good times this week. But oh, is he ever going through a contrary phase! Lately he’ll just toss out, “Feo don’t yike it!” over any little thing, even if it’s something that Feo does indeed like. Favorite CDs, toys, favorite foods--you name it. He’s also a big fan of “No!” this week when he doesn’t want to do something. Fun times. :-) Actually, it doesn’t really bother me because he’s able to communicate whatever is irritating him. He may be throwing more tantrums lately and announcing that he doesn’t “yike” anything, but at least he’s able to explain it. I’ll take that any day over the Theo of a year ago, who was talking a bit, but not enough to explain exactly what was bugging him. At least when I know what’s bugging him, I can deal with it! Of course, lately “dealing with it” often consists of saying things along the lines of, “Well, you can knock off the tantrum over putting your shirt on, or you can go in your room for a timeout--your choice.” But still, it’s better than scratching my head and wondering what the heck the problem is! Theo’s never been a particularly malleable sort, so the strong will of a three-year-old is nothing new to us….

But on to our week. Monday was “Show Day” at Little Gym, but I forgot to bring my camera! So the pictures you’ll see of Show Day in this week’s album are iPhone snaps or pictures one of the other moms took and sent to me. Next week is Theo’s last week as a Super Beast in Little Gym--which means it’s the last day of our “mommy and me” class. He starts as a Funny Bug the following week, and in that group it’s only the kids--the parents sit in the lobby and watch through the window. Sniff…I’m going to miss the mommy-and-me part! It really is one of my favorite parts of our week. My boy is growing up….

We had some wild and wacky weather this week, but on the nice days, we played outside as much as possible. Theo loves to go look at the vegetable garden, which has so far yielded us two strawberries and five green beans! We have some green cherry tomatoes ripening as we speak, though. And the cucumber plant looks to be growing well, although there isn’t any fruit on it yet.

When it’s warm enough, Theo loves playing in the water! Give the kid a hose with a bit of water coming out of it, and he’s happy for half an hour or more. I think our lawn probably likes the extra water, too.

I spent much of the week and weekend working, but we did go out with friends on Saturday night, and we had a wonderful time! Some old friends I worked with years ago at Prima--Ian and Robynne--were in town with one of their four children. (They’ve been living in England for eight years but will be moving back here in the fall.) We met them and Janeane, Jason, and Emma for dinner on Saturday night, and then we all went back to Jason and Janeane’s for dessert and more visiting. What fun! Theo had a long nap on Saturday and thus was a very agreeable chap at dinner, and back at Jason and Janeane’s house, he had fun playing with Noah (age 4), Emma (also 4), and Jamie (almost 2) while we chatted with the grownups. It’s so nice that he’s now at an age where he can play with minimal supervision--that is, he’s not a tiny baby who’s going to get stepped on, and he’s not likely to trash anyone’s house if we’re not looking. The kids had a great time hatching some sort of plan that had to do with pillows, the couch, and lord knows what else!

On Sunday we went to the Nut Tree in Vacaville because (a) Theo likes playing in their kid area out in front and (b) they have a wicked-good pizza place! Always a winning combo when the kiddo likes someplace and we do, too.

I’m going to wrap this up on a serious note, though I usually try to keep this blog pretty upbeat. But there’s something we’ve been keeping to ourselves for about seven months now, and Chris hasn’t been overly comfortable with the secrecy…and I, too, think I’d like to be honest now. (Chris kept it quiet at my request--I tend to be more private than he is by nature.)

We’ve been asked a lot over the past months when we’re going to have a second child. For some reason, as Theo approached age three, this seemed to start coming up frequently. I think we used to say that we’d like to space kids roughly three or four years apart, so maybe that’s why people started thinking that now that Theo’s three, surely we must be ready for another child. I don’t know--for whatever reason, it seems to come up a lot now.

So here’s the answer: There is nothing we’d love more than another child. Nothing. Unfortunately, it may not be in the cards for us. We started trying to expand our family back in November. After about six months of nothing, I talked to my doctor, who referred us to a fertility clinic. We went this week, and the news, while not awful, also isn’t overly terrific. They ran all manner of tests, and it appears the problem lies with me, and is something called “luteal phase defect.” In layman’s terms, this means a certain phase of my cycle is too short for me to get pregnant. That is, we can successfully fertilize an egg, but it will never implant in my uterus and grow into a fetus and ultimately a baby. And if by some chance it does implant, the risk of miscarriage is fairly significant.

What’s changed now, you might be wondering. I’m older--37, to be exact. In terms of fertility, the difference between being 33 (as I was with Theo) and 37 is fairly significant. And my family has a history of very early menopause, which increases the chances of me going through early menopause. And yes, I’m having some signs of it.

The good news? This type of fertility problem is pretty easily treated with a medication called Clomid. The bad news? Kaiser may not be willing to give it to me. The nurse practitioner we saw this week refused, but she retired this week, and thus my case was passed on to a fertility doctor. We meet with him on June 8th, and I’m hoping he will be more flexible.

I really don’t want to get too into this, but I’m sure the obvious question in everyone’s mind is, why wouldn’t Kaiser treat you? I will give you the short answer: They require internal monitoring every month when you’re on this drug, and I’m unable to do the internal monitoring. The reasons why aren’t anything I want to get into on a public forum, but just know that I have tried my absolute best to be able to accomplish things like that, and it just isn’t an option. Chris will vouch for that--he has seen it firsthand several times. And so, we’re more or less pleading with Kaiser to allow me to try a couple of months without the internal monitoring. Because, after all this workup, it’s evident that I’m extremely healthy in all areas--my blood counts and all my tests came back perfect…except for the fertility issue. The risks of the drug are minimal, and we’re willing to assume them without internal monitoring--but Kaiser, naturally, wants to cover their own tail in case something were to arise.

If they refuse, there are some natural treatments we can try, and we will certainly be exploring those. If they don’t work, we will consider whether we want to adopt. We are absolutely open to adoption…but it’s very expensive. So, there’s the question of whether we can afford it.

So why am I sharing this? One, so Chris can finally talk about it. He kept it quiet at my request, but it’s been hard on him too, and he would like to share with people. But two, because I’ve been having a hard time when people start asking me when I’m going to have another child. Don’t misunderstand--I’m well aware that no one means to cause any hurt when they ask about our plans. People are just curious; I know that. But the past few months, it’s been like a punch in the gut when anyone says anything to me, even teasingly, about having another kid. Because there is absolutely nothing we’d like more…and yet, it may be out of our control. I’ve had to bite back tears a few times when people have asked, and I finally decided that I ought to just come clean. Besides, you know how it goes--you share news with one person, who shares it with another, who shares it with two more, and suddenly the story has changed along the way, and no one knows the REAL truth. So I wanted those close to us, who read this blog, to have the straight answer, and not some watered-down version they got third-hand. We have, of course, told our parents personally--didn't want to just blindside them with the blog post! But this is for everyone else who has been wondering. And maybe for me, too, to get it off my chest. Because it hurts, as you can imagine.

So there you have it. We’d love another kid. Theo has been such a wonderful part of our lives that we’d like to add just one more special little person to our family. Even if we never manage to have another one, I will be forever grateful to have Theo and Chris. But my heart will be a little bit broken, just like it’s a little bit broken every month when I realize that, once again, nothing has happened. And just like it was a little bit broken this week, when a cold, unfeeling fertility nurse practitioner stomped all over our feelings because of something that is so very much out of my control…and certainly out of Chris’s control.

I certainly don’t hold it against any well-meaning person who has asked about our plans…I guess I just wanted to be honest about how difficult it is to be asked about something that you would like so very much, but that you just can’t seem to accomplish. If we manage to have another child, through traditional means or adoption, our friends and family will certainly be the first to know! Until then, I suppose it can just be common knowledge that we’re trying, but that it’s not likely to be an easy task…if it happens at all.

But to end this on a slightly cheerier note, take this as fair warning: If I try an herbal or medical remedy for this problem, I can’t promise I won’t turn into a raving wench at some point, due to messing with my hormones! ;-) Bwa ha ha ha ha... [maniacal laugh]...