The Small Family     

What an eventful week here in the Small household! We had job interviews, big decisions to make, a new preschool term starting--it’s been crazy!

Let’s start with job interviews. Chris’s phone interview with Genentech on Tuesday went so well that they called him on Wednesday and asked him to come in Thursday or Friday for a series of interviews with 11 (!!) different people. So, he spent Friday down in South San Francisco, doing a whirlwind of interviews. He was gone for 12 hours--7 hours of driving and 5 hours of interviewing--and he was pretty beat by the time he got home. But, he feels like the interviews went really well and like he has a pretty decent chance at possibly getting an offer. (He should hear in the next few weeks.)

So, the job: It’s biochemical editor position. You may have heard of Genentech. They’re huge out here, but I wasn’t sure how big in other parts of the country. However, my aunt in Virginia has heard of them, so maybe they are fairly well-known everywhere?? Their bread and butter, as far as we know, is cancer drugs. Chris said the campus in South San Francisco (I believe that’s their main headquarters) is incredible. It’s something like 30+ buildings on one campus, and he said there are shuttles running everywhere. His impression was that clearly there’s some money in pharmaceuticals--no surprise there!

This position is entry-level, so we were initially concerned that the pay would be very low. Let’s face it: Editors don’t make much. We’re pretty much of the level of teachers, and we all know how underpaid teachers are! However, we were pleasantly surprised to find that entry-level editors at Genentech actually make quite a bit more than entry-level editors elsewhere--in fact, the pay might be enough for Chris to take a step back from his current senior editor position into this entry-level position.

In case you’re wondering why on earth he’d go from being a top-level editor to being an entry-level editor, the answer is very simple: upward mobility. Currently, there is absolutely nowhere for Chris to go. He is a top-level editor at his company, so there are no promotions in his future--ever. And only cost-of-living pay adjustments that so far don’t even keep up with the cost of living. So we struggle every year to keep up, and we’re getting further and further behind, given his minor increases and the fact that I don’t get raises at all (and haven’t in many years--pay cuts instead, in fact). And long-term, we wonder how we’ll do things like put our kids through school, given the fact that we have no growth potential in our careers. So at Genentech, he’d get a raise and he’d move into a position where there’s actually upward growth potential. Plus, he’d gain editing experience in another field (and one that’s likely to stay around pretty much forever), as well as project-management experience.

The company has fabulous fringe benefits, too: reimbursement for using public transportation to get to work, all manner of on-site fringies (car washes, hair cuts, espresso, cafeteria, etc.), six weeks of fully paid time off every six years (and three weeks of paid vacation every year right from when you start), on-site childcare…. Unfortunately, I will still have to work either way, and we’re wondering how to make that happen with two kids. On-site childcare one day a week might be the answer--maybe the kiddos go into work with Daddy on Fridays while Mommy works, or something along those lines. Although I strive to do all their early parenting myself (well, with Chris, of course!), we may have to make a sacrifice and think about a day a week of childcare. We’re still working out details like that…. Our goal is for me to cut down on my work significantly, but it's hard to make that work financially. I currently work about seven hours a day, and there's just no way I can do that with TWO children--one of whom will be a baby! In theory, we're aiming for me to cut down to about two hours a day of work for the next three years or so, until Chickpea is a toddler with a good routine and approaching preschool (and Theo is in elementary school).

So what’s the downside to this fabulous job, you ask? The incredibly high rents down there. They are insane. We’re talking close to $3,000/month for a three-bedroom house smaller than what we currently live in…and that’s if you can even find one. (Rents up here for something similar are more in the $1,400 range, just for comparison.) So we’re trying to figure out whether the numbers will even work, if a job offer comes in. Long-term, this would be a fantastic opportunity for Chris and for our family--but short-term, we’re not sure we can make it work. We shall see… One of our options is to rent in someplace like Napa or Santa Rosa, which is much less expensive than renting near Genentech, but Chris would have a very long commute. Genentech runs all kinds of commute shuttles from far-out locations (clearly we wouldn't be the only employees with this problem of affording housing!!), so it's not as if Chris would have to drive the entire commute himself--but it could be as much as two hours each way, depending on where we live. They did say he could probably telecommute from home a few days a week, but that's still a LOT of commuting on days he has to be in the office.

Which brings us to our next big topic: moving. Regardless of what happens with Chris’s job search, we are officially moving out of our house. After close to a year of mulling over the options (which, unfortunately, aren’t many), we’ve decided it’s time to give up, sell our house, and start over. The problem is that our “starter” home is too small for a family of four. (It wouldn’t be if we didn’t have to dedicate one of the three bedrooms to an office, but we do because I work at home--so we’re left with only two usable bedrooms. And the house is only 1,200 square feet total, so it's not overly big in the first place.) And the Sacramento real estate had such a spectacular crash that the house is now only worth half what we paid for it. Yes, half--I’m not exaggerating. To sell it in the old-fashioned way, we would have to come up with $160,000 out of pocket to make up for what we’ve lost. And that, unfortunately, will never happen.

So we are stuck with a short sale. Which will ruin our credit for a few years. But chances are it would take another 15 years (or more) to make up what we’ve lost on this house, and there’s just no way we can make this space work for another 15 years. So at some point you have to say, “It’s time to give up and start rebuilding.” So, we’ll take the credit hit, rent for several years, and rebuild our once-perfect credit. It’s been a tough ego hit for both of us, though--we both pride ourselves on having always honored our debts and paid everything on time. And here we’re forced to stop paying a mortgage that we can pay--just so we can move into something that works better for our family. That’s the hard part--to get a short sale in our area right now, you have to stop paying your mortgage. It doesn’t matter that we technically can afford to pay it--we have to stop paying and prove a hardship. (Our hardship is my decreased income--both from pay cuts and from my cutting back on work once the baby comes. Also, if Chris gets a new job more than 50 miles away, that counts as a hardship, too.)

So, we’re swallowing our pride, joining the leagues of people not paying their mortgages, and taking the plunge. It took us a long time to reconcile the decision, but we’ve finally decided it’s the best plan for our family. We meet with our realtor Tuesday, and the ball will be rolling. And then we’ll either rent something up here (if Chris’s job situation stays status quo) or find something wherever we relocate to (the DC job is still a possibility, too). Either way, big, big changes.

But off from the sad housing topic and on to a fun topic: preschool! Theo’s fall semester started this week, and he is happy as a clam. But what a first day! I have a lot of friends with similar-age children who started preschool this week as well, and their Facebook posts were all like “So-and-so did so well at preschool! The teacher said she/he did great!!” So how did our little darling start his first week back at school? By getting a “police” escort out of class on the first day, in front of all the waiting parents. Oh, Theo…

Okay, here’s the story. I had to put on my “that’s not okay” face, but I was secretly somewhat amused by the incident. You all may remember that Theo had a few discipline issues at preschool this summer over instruments. He wants to play all the musical instruments, including the “teacher cymbal” (used only by teachers, to call the kids to circle time), and he will stop at nothing to try to do so. One day this summer I arrived to find that he had apparently stacked up a bunch of stuff to try to climb to reach the forbidden cymbal--thus earning himself a reprimand. So on this first day of fall preschool, Chris and I told him in the morning all about how he needs to be a good listener and do what the teachers tell him, and we specifically mentioned that he is not to touch things, such as instruments, that the teachers tell him not to. And so I arrive to pick him up and am waiting outside with all the parents, and I hear a familiar shrieking. Oh dear--what has he done? Well, it seems Maestro felt that the closing-circle guitar song could greatly benefit from a good cymbal crash, so he found a long stick and started smacking the teacher cymbal. And when Teacher Beth intervened to correct him, he threw himself on the floor in a dramatic fit, and she had to carry him out of the classroom and hand him to me because he was disrupting the circle.

Now, it’s not okay for him to be disruptive and throw a fit in class. I do indeed feel strongly about that. But there’s a small part of me that was laughing about his darn persistence with this cymbal! I mean, if he had been carried out of class for hitting another child or something, I’d be really upset. But all I could think was that our budding Mozart was probably thinking something along the lines of, “COME ON, PEOPLE! I’M AN ARTIST!! LET ME PLAY MY MUSIC!!”

Teacher Beth actually apologized to me, rather mortified because Montessori teaching doesn’t usually involve physically removing students from situations--it involves talking to them to help them make the right choices. Alas, Theo von Beethoven was not making the correct choices, so she had to intervene. (For the record, I didn’t mind--you gotta do what you gotta do, and Theo is stubborn enough that physically intervening is sometimes required. And yes, I agree that he needed to know his behavior wasn’t okay.)

So, we had a talk with Theo once again about not touching the teacher cymbal, and he managed to restrain himself from doing so on Friday. Other than that, I think it was a successful week at preschool. I think his friend Sean is in class with him, as Theo is talking incessantly about him. The class is about 14 kids with three teachers, and it’s a good mix of girls and boys. We’re looking forward to a good semester!

We had a really fun weekend, too. On Saturday, we went up to Apple Hill to get…well, apples! And pears. And other assorted fruit. And of course, pie! You can’t go to Apple Hill without getting a delicious treat, so Chris and I each had a slice of homemade pie (apple for him, sour cream blackberry for me), and Theo had a delicious homemade apple donut. After loading up on fruit, we headed to one of the farms that has a lot of kids’ activities. Theo was actually getting a bit tired by that point, so he wasn’t too interested in going in the corn maze or getting a pony ride--which was fine, as it saved us $7! But we found another good use for that $7. Some of the farms have vendors selling crafts and such. The one we stopped at had a booth selling very small guitars designed for kids. And surprisingly, they weren’t expensive at all. We’ve been wanting to get Theo a “real” guitar for some time, but we didn’t want to spend a fortune. These were only $15--I’m sure not the greatest quality, but good enough quality for a three-year-old aspiring Eddie Van Halen (or Eric Clapton or…take your pick of guitar heroes!). And of course, these guitars caught Theo’s eye the minute we walked into the farm area. And he didn’t stop talking about them.

Funny thing about Theo is that like any small child, he will ask you incessantly for something he wants--but in his case, it’s usually only ever food. He’s never been a kid to see a material thing and whine about wanting it. If I take him in the toy aisle at Target, for example, he might see a fun toy and say, “Feo want to hold that!” but if I say, “No, that’s not our toy,” he doesn’t push the issue. Maybe it’s because he already has quite a few toys at home, but he’s just never been the type to be drawn to material things…at least not yet. (I’m sure that day will come!) But these guitars were the exception. He immediately said, “Guitars! Feo want a guitar! Feo want a blue guitar!” We replied that we’d talk about it later, and took him down to a play area. As I said, he wasn’t much interested in playing, but he kept wandering back to the picnic table where we were sitting and saying, “Maybe next time, Feo can buy that blue guitar!” He was very polite about it--but it surely didn’t leave his consciousness for a moment!

So Chris and I talked about it and decided that since we wanted to get him such a guitar anyway, and the price was good, we’d treat him to one. And he was so excited. Chris let him pay for the guitar himself (with Chris’s money, of course--Theo has no money!), and he was so very proud. He carried it around in its box lovingly and kept talking about it. And as soon as we got home and opened it, he played and played. Sometimes he’d play us instrumental pieces, and other times he’d sing along--either a real song that he has learned at preschool or from us, or sometimes a made-up song.

Funniest thing is, he has a real tender devotion to this guitar. Empathy isn’t really Theo’s strong point. If Chris or I gets hurt, he thinks it’s funny and laughs. And when we’ve tried to tell him that something isn’t nice to say because it will make people sad, he just thinks it’s funny. His preschool teacher mentioned to me that all kids develop empathy at different rates, and she said that Theo wasn’t technically “behind” on it, but it was an area they were working with him on--with respect to understanding how his actions can make other kids feel. So anyway, Chris and I have also been working with him on this (for quite a while--but continuing, especially now that we know his teachers are working with him, too), and we hadn’t particularly seen any progress. Until the guitar! He accidentally ran into the wall while carrying it, and he immediately said, “Oh, guitar, I’m sorry! Are you okay guitar?” Ha ha, I see where we stand--the guitar gets empathy, but we don’t! Ah well, it’s a work in progress. Anyway, I’m glad he loves his guitar so much…. I really love hearing him play it and sing along with it! (And Reason #157 why I love his preschool--instead of making a fuss about him not really empathizing well yet, they just calmly say, “Aha--here’s an area where he can use a little development. Okay, let’s work on it!” I love their calm attitude about everything. Chris and I are pretty sure the teachers must all be on Prozac to be so Zen about everything--ha!)

Chris and I also had a "date" on Saturday night. A while back I bought a Groupon (coupon) for a nice local restaurant we really like, but we waited to use it until I wasn't feeling sick every day. So Saturday night was the night, and we were NOT disappointed! We each had an appetizer: pesto parmesan beer-battered fries for Chris and steamed clams in butter and white wine sauce for me. And we each had an entree: fried chicken with mashed potatos and patty-pan squash for Chris, and penne pasta with a pork and lamb ragu for me. Yum! We both agreed that my clams were actually the best dish of the night (and Chris isn't a HUGE clam eater--he likes them okay, but wouldn't be likely to order steamed clams himself). They were definitely the best clams I've had--I could've eaten three plates of them! We left happy and full....

On Sunday, it was time to put all that fruit to use. Forty pounds of pears and apples make a lot of Chunky Cinnamon Apple-Pear Sauce. More than 60 jars of it, to be precise. It took me three hours to peel, core, and chop the fruit, and then another seven hours to cook it all down and can it. Whew--I was tired by the end! And Chris was tired, too, because he took care of Theo for 90% of the day so I could can…and can…and can…and can some more! Now we just have to figure out where to store it all….

And before I wrap up, a word about little Chickpea! At 17 weeks along, she is now five inches long--about the size of my open hand. Supposedly she can now hear loud noises, such as dog barks and doorbells. Her eyes are now moving back and forth (though they’re still sealed shut at this point), and she’s learning to suck and swallow. Amazing how young they are when they start developing these skills, isn’t it? I feel her moving frequently in the middle of the night, too--butterflies in my abdomen! (And just to repeat, I do not know the gender yet--I just think it’s a girl, so I’m calling it “she” until I hear different. Chris thinks it’s a boy at the moment, so who knows? We’ll find out in 3 ½ weeks, I hope.)

According to my Baby Center updates, I should be feeling terrific now, as I’m well into the second trimester. Alas, that is not the case this time, like it was with Theo. I feel better than my first trimester--but far from terrific. I still get hit by morning sickness a few times a week, and I’m still very, very tired (though that is probably largely because this time around, I also have a preschooler to care for!). And this time around, I’ve started to get heartburn much, much earlier than with Theo. I get it pretty much anytime I eat anything, and I don’t expect that will change over the next five months, as my uterus expands more and more into my upper abdomen. But I can deal with all of this--the hardest thing to handle is the migraines. I never had those with Theo (in fact, I had never had one in my life until Theo was 15 months old, and I’ve been getting them since--and far more frequently as time has gone one), but I sure have them with Chickpea. I am getting a couple a week, and they are hideous. I try so hard to stay upbeat, but it’s hard when your head often feels as if it’s in a vise.

I had a doctor appointment this week, and she told me that they might go away within the next few weeks, along with morning sickness and some of the exhaustion. She said with her second and third kids, she had early-pregnancy symptoms until 20 weeks. (Her youngest is just six months old and her second child is Theo’s age, so she’s recently been through this.) I hope she’s right, but who knows. She did say there are medicines they could give me, but I prefer not to take them while pregnant, so I’m trying to make do with ice packs and sometimes Tylenol. I feel guilty even taking Tylenol (I didn’t take anything while pregnant with Theo!), but it’s just miserable to try to get through the day with these--and sometimes they last for up to a week. Ugh. One thing’s for sure--after I have the baby, if they continue, I will get some sort of prescription for them. They are getting very, very old….

The good news is, everything looks great with the baby so far! Strong, fast heartbeat, and everything seems to be going just fine. Here’s something funny, though: I haven’t gained a single pound yet. In fact, I’m actually a pound less than I was when I got pregnant. (I lost two pounds early on and then gained one back--but then nothing at all since.) The doctor said it’s no cause for concern--as long as the reason for me not gaining doesn’t have anything to do with vomiting excessively or not eating, everything is fine. What I think is funny about this is that I’m not trying not to gain weight. Not in the least. I didn’t really worry about it with either kid. I figured my body would gain what it needed to gain to have a healthy baby, and after I had the baby, I’d work to lose the weight. And I did, with Theo. And in fact, it came off very easily after Theo because I had to be on such a strict dairy-free diet that I was practically vegan. And so with this one, I thought, “Well, no need to worry about gaining weight at all, because I’ll have to go dairy-free after it’s born, and whatever I gain will drop right off.” So I haven’t worried in the least--and I’ve been eating three or four meals a day consistently. I do try to eat healthy foods in general, but with neither child have I at all denied myself--if I want ice cream, I eat ice cream. If I want a cheeseburger and fries, I eat a cheeseburger and fries.

So I share this not to brag in the least--but because it boggles my mind. I ate the exact same way with both kids, and with Theo I gained quite a bit of weight. By this point, I think I had already gained around 15 pounds or so. But with this one, not a single pound. Isn’t that odd? I’m carrying differently, too. I saw Chris’s mom last week, and she was shocked to see that I don’t really show at all yet. With Theo, I certainly had a visible tummy by now. But to me, when I see myself without clothes on, the answer is obvious: I’m carrying far more “vertically” with this one. My “bump” goes from right under my breasts all the way down to my hips. With Theo, I carried much more like the typical little round beach ball--which eventually got to be a very big beach ball. But this one just seems to be carrying stretched vertically. I suspect that’s why I have the heartburn already, too--this one is much “higher” than Theo was, in terms of how I’m carrying it.

Anyway, that’s a lot of probably boring info, but I personally find it fascinating how my body can react so differently to two pregnancies. And I now think that weight gain during pregnancy actually doesn’t have nearly as much to do with how the mother eats as with how her body decides to process things. I mean, you see a very large pregnant woman, and the first thought is, “Wow--she’s certainly been eating for two!” (or maybe, “Wow, that’s got to be a big baby!”). And then you see these tiny pregnant women who barely show and figure they must’ve be so disciplined about how they eat. But really, that tiny woman might be eating twice as much as the bigger woman, and their bodies are just handling it differently. Fascinating to me….

I see this blog has gotten really long, so I’ll sign off now. Happy week, everyone!