The Small Family     

I posted our Disneyland writeup and pictures yesterday, and at the time I wondered whether I should mention some sad news in our family. But I wasn't sure whether I ought to be saying anything on our blog, in case my sister and her husband wanted it kept quiet. But they are actually being quite open about the situation and sharing the news with friends and family, so I decided today that it's probably okay for me to post about it. And it isn't the kind of thing I'd just throw in as an addendum to a Disneyland post, anyway. It's about a special person, and he deserves his own post.

My brother-in-law, Charles, is fighting cancer. He and my sister have known about it for 10 days or so, but they didn't want to spoil our vacation, so they didn't tell us until we returned. And it took me a couple of days to really process the news, I think. It didn't really feel real until this morning, when I sat down and read Charles's blog posts about his journey with cancer. He's been writing as a release for himself, but also as a way to share his experience with others who may be going through similarly hard times. I read his posts, and I sat and cried like a baby. Because Charles is a good man who doesn't deserve this, and my sister and the kids are good people who shouldn't be facing this, either.

Charles has soft palate cancer. I don't know much about this type of cancer, and the information online is rather overwhelming. I guess I can sum it up by saying that it doesn't appear to be the death sentence that, say, pancreatic cancer is...but that it's still cancer, and cancer is never good. 

Charles's doctors are optimistic that they have caught this early. Still, he will have to have a grueling treatment of seven weeks of radiation (five days a week) and three rounds of chemotherapy. He will lose his hair, but that's not the worst of it. He may lose part of his hearing and his sense of taste. The pain will get so bad from the radiation that he won't be able to eat, so they will insert a feeding tube into his stomach. And he may have to have surgery on top of the chemo and radiation.

As I type this, I find myself tearing up again. Because even if Charles wasn't my brother-in-law, he is someone who I would genuinely like. He's a downright nice person and an honorable man. My heart aches for him, for my sister, and for the kids. I'm not sure how many of you know the back story, but I will sum it up. My sister's first husband, the father of her oldest three kids, was not a good husband. I will not comment on how he is as a father--his children love him, and I'm glad for that. But as a husband, he was lousy. The way he treated Lynnie can best be described as emotionally abusive. I tried to like him because he was my brother-in-law, but I can't say I ever truly liked the guy. It's hard to like someone who treats someone you love like crap. 

When Sam, Tyler, and Noelle were about 6, 4, and 2, respectively, my sister got the courage to leave Jeff. She and Charles fell in love, got married, and had Stevie, my youngest niece. That was 14 or so years ago, and Charles has been a steady, constant, and good presence in their lives ever since. He has not only provided for my nieces and nephew, but he has loved them as if they were his own flesh and blood. And as many of you know, Charles and Lynnie's daughter, Stevie, has diabetes. Charles has always been a hands-on and attentive parent to her, and he is very involved in her diabetes care. He and my sister are a wonderful match and terrific parents.

And so I find myself reeling at the idea that their family is being shaken in this way. I have blood relations who don't even come close to being the kind and decent person Charles is...and yet Charles is the one who gets this awful disease? Some things just aren't fair.

I worry about Charles as he undergoes treatment, and I feel terrible about the pain and discomfort he'll be going through. And I worry about my sister, who tries to take everything on and tries so hard to be everything to everyone--how will she hold up? Living 45 minutes away, there's so little that I can really do to help, except be an ear when she needs it.

Charles and Lynnie are relying heavily on their faith right now. Most of you know that I am not a religious person--but they are. Their church is very important to them, as is their church family. And I'm glad that they have that support system.

So, I know some of my readers are religious, and if you feel inclined to say a prayer for the Gates family, I know it would be appreciated! And if you're not religious or spiritual and you just want to send some good thoughts their way, that is equally appreciated!

I really feel that Charles will beat this. He is young (not quite 50, I believe), and he takes good care of himself. But oh, what a fight. Please send your good thoughts their way--they deserve it!